This triptych, originally titled Bloodlines, is currently a diptych because it was vandalized two days prior to the opening of my one-women show. The left panel depicted three figures. The center figure had a halo with a red line around the halo and wore a tee shirt with “Bloodlines” printed across his chest. The other two people looked at the center figure with both disappointment and disgust.
After the left panel was destroyed, I was so angry I wanted to tear it up and throw it away. It was the second triptych I had worked on and had proved particularly challenging, because at first, I was unsure of exactly what the figures were trying to say to each other.
But it was through the development of this triptych that the theme of “disgust and disappointment” began to be revealed as my own journey out from under the scrutiny of my family’s evaluation of my worthiness. My father was both disgusted and disappointed with me when I decided to become a public high-school English teacher rather than a lawyer. His disapproval led to my experiencing a period of great distress.
So this piece inevitably became about personal martyrdom. Additionally, I chose Juan Valdez because coffee signifies for me over-caffeinated or even over-stressed brains of people who cannot sleep. Perversely, caffeine puts me to sleep, which may have resulted as a defense mechanism against the stress of being unworthy. Regardless, as my art attests, I have triumphed over my bloodlines.
